I found myself weeping in a bar. It was Chinese New Years Eve. The plan was to party.
I was not feeling my best self that day, but it seemed manageable. I had two cocktails, forced myself to dance and laugh. I do tend to drift from super sociable and happy to someone just observing the world and not feeling part of it. That was the night.
Thought if I had few drinks, could dance on the table and sing cheesy songs like others did. I decided not to. Instead, I dived into a never-ending carousel of thoughts longing to care about poverty, refugees, human trafficking, depression, domestic violence and what not.
Then I became that person I do not enjoy spending time with at all. The girl trapped in sadness, the one that feels hopeless and helpless, with no stars in her eyes.
I watched the strangers having fun and getting lost into the very idyllic looking ancient Hoi An. Everything seemed meaningless. I felt selfish. I started thinking about all the time, energy and money spent on travelling and my self-centred way of living. The life where I am spending time discovering the world, instead of fixing the one I know.
I was with two boys, who did their best to take care of my sad business. They fixed it with a sandwich stand. It is always a good idea to have some friendly faces around you when these funny things decide to pay you a visit.
See you next time, dear misery.